Monday, March 17, 2014

When I grow up I want to be a...

When I was growing up, I never knew how to complete that sentence. I was the kid who couldn't pick a college until the last minute, let alone chose a major. There were lots of things that sounded interesting but nothing that seemed to quite fit right. When I first accepted my job at Butler University as an advisor to students undecided about their majors, my family and friends gave me so much grief. The blind leading the blind.  I have always been an exploratory student myself.  But there is one thing I have always known, I wanted to be a mom.

Family has always been important to me. I am very fortunate to have a loving family.  There are a lot of us, which means I have always been surrounded by the love, guidance, and support of family. I knew I wanted to add to that madness and have some of my own kids someday. Whenever I looked to the future and pictured myself as a mom, I saw a house full of boys. As a tomboy, I never imagined I'd have a girl.

When we got pregnant, even though we didn't find out what we were having, I knew from the beginning that it was a girl.  To be honest, I was terrified. What was I going to do with a girl!?!?  I knew this had to be some kind of payback, karma, for being such a pain in the you know what to my mother.

Now that Willa is here, I know that everything I've done my whole life has lead me here, to being Willa's mom. I have no idea what I'm going to do if she ends up being a girly girl. Thank goodness Willa has aunts, godmothers, and cousins to help me! But I've always loved a good challenge. I love to learn and try new things. Willa is going to push me to be a new and better person. She isn't even talking yet and I can already see how profoundly she has changed me. Being a mom to a daughter has made me softer, yet stronger. More compassionate, yet defensive. More giving, yet more protective. I'm sure I would have grown similarly if Willa had been a boy, but for me, having a girl was perfect.